Real Talk About Relationships and Married Life

Posts tagged ‘straightforward talk’


How to Help Your Man Go From Unemployed to Super Hero

superdog 2Ladies. Listen up! What you may call a bum or lazy dog is really a “Wonder Dog” in the making and simply needs you to help him tap into his “puppy power.”

The number one way to support a man when he is searching for a job, unemployed, or haven’t quite figured things out, is to encourage him and “big up” his gifts and talents. Men need to be admired and appreciated and made all over. When a woman consistently reinforces his worth and value as a man and remind him of all the things she admires and appreciates about him, it helps to give him the necessary drive and positive energy to do more and better.

The worst thing to do is criticize him. Instead, reaffirm that he is still the man and remind him that it is not about finding a job or role that he is worthy of, but rather discovering one that perhaps might be worthy of him. Remind him that his time and energy is just as valuable as the one seeking to hire an employee and any company or organization would be foolish not to take the opportunity to work with such a fantastic and brilliant man.

It’s important to understand that men often equate their value by the size of their pockets, and when many feel that they do not measure up, they may project their own feelings of lack of self-worth and insecurity on their mate, especially if their mate is a girl that rocks and manifesting in the financial department!

During a time when a man is out of work, many become resentful and will tend to project their disappointments and frustration on their wives or mates. This is not a rule, but passing blame happens. In this dynamic, a woman has to be mature, and put on her big girl draws and not make it about her but make the situation about what her man needs, and then what the household needs. She determines the positive energy flow in the house and therefore must not allow herself to succumb to negativity or react to it when it presents its ugly head.

While it is not helpful for a woman to help her man “look” for a job unless he specifically asks her to do that, she can give him encouraging space, meaning the room for him to see his greatness and then take responsibility to transform his situation. She can motivate and inspire him to have a fantastic outlook on finding something that is suitable to him by reminding him of what he is good at during regular conversations with him. She can “plant the seeds of positivity” as he figures it out. She can encourage him to do something he has always wanted to do and even inspire him to not just “look” for a job but consider “creating” one for himself.

How to Help Your Man Go From Unemployed to Super Hero by:

  • Ask him what you can do to help and be willing to follow through.
  • Write a letter of recommendation or reference on his behalf.
  • Validate his gifts and talents and vouch for him.
  • Help make the process of becoming employed a fun one and help him to view it as an amazing and new opportunity to create the life he chooses, rather than a stressful time.
  • Clear off the kitchen or dining room table and help him plan a strategy for self-employment or business that you are willing to invest in either with your time, talent, and/or your resources.

There are so many creative ways to support a man when he is out of work and help him to have a healthy outlook in his situation. Yet one of the biggest keys is to let him know without a shadow of a doubt that the money or job does not make the man but the character of the man is what makes a man and that no matter who out there does not believe in him, that you believe in him and together the two of you can get through it!


An important message for all religious teachers, pastors, preachers

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Closing the Gap After a Communication Breakdown

Effective communication is important not just in relationships, but in life. In this message, Atiya discusses five ways to close a gap once communication has broken down.

For more information, please visit us online at To read the full article, please go to:


Learning to Love Yourself, Even After Marriage

In this message, Atiya discusses the importance of loving yourself before marriage and after marriage, and how love for self is a pre-requisite to knowing how to show love to your mate and others. She answers a question that was presented to her in a coaching session. For more information, please visit us online at

To explore coaching with Atiya, please go to:

The Marriage Tree offers affordable, effective, and innovative 
Programs & Courses for couples and individuals that provides lasting results.

Authenticating Your Marriage

In this message, Atiya discusses how to Authentic Your Marriage and the importance of being honest and open to your mate.  For more information, please visit us online at To read the full article, please go to:


The Secret to Getting Him to Say, “I Do!”

Men marry women they need and not necessarily who they want. In this message, Atiya shares with women a few tips on how to encourage their partners to marry them. For more information, please visit online at To read the full article, please go to:


Achieving a Marriage Mindset

Atiya, founder of The Marriage Tree, in this message shares 7 mindset shifts that you can make in order to enhance or save their marriage. For more information, please visit us online at To read the full article, please go to:


Ingram and Atiya Boxing Show – Keith “One Time” Thurman


Keeping the Lines of Communication Open

communicationCommunication is one of the vital keys that unlock the doors to relationship success. The first part of the word relationship is RELATE, which means to connect. The last part is SHIP which is to transport or convey. Connections with others are made by establishing messages that are clearly understood by all parties. In the communication process there is the Sender, the Receiver, and the Message. Then outside of that there is the Interference. The goal is to eliminate the interference as to ensure that the message being sent by the sender is the actual message that the receiver receives.

A person’s orientation of mind, way of thinking, or manner of processing information can interfere with the message and hinder the intended message from getting to the receiver un-altered. Likewise, the same is true when a sender sends a message that is not in the language that the receiver would understand. Both conditions create interference. Therefore during the process of relating and communicating with your mate, it becomes necessary for both of you to make a paradigm shift in order to create a sphere of understanding. Understanding is a major factor in the lines of communication being open. Lack of understanding is the biggest cause of interference in the communication process, and the biggest factor in why communication breaks down.

Where there is mutual understanding, two people in a relationship are able to grasp the idea of their mate because they have taken the time to learn how their partner processes information. In other words, they speak their mate’s language and convey information that is readily understood by the one to whom they are speaking. Couples must learn to speak each other’s language.

One day I had a conversation with a man, he was telling me that his wife like most women nags. While to him his wife nags, to her she reminds her husband of things. He shared with me a situation where his wife asked him to fix something that needed to be glued. He told her he would fix it. He then saw an advertisement about some really fantastic glue that he wanted to get and use. Logically, this was the best glue and he knew he could really satisfy and please his wife by using this particular glue. Also, as gadget man, most men usually are, he believed he would also get some pleasure out of the project. For him a win-win was to use this specific glue. She wasn’t thinking in terms of win-win, she wanted it done.

His fore thought was to make his wife happy. He was excited about the glue because, “oh boy” here was another fantastic thing he could try. The only catch was he had to order the glue and it would take about three weeks to get it. No problem right? He knew how long it would take to get glue. He believed it to be a reasonable amount of time, and it probably was. The problem is he failed to communicate this small bit of information to his wife. Therefore, she kept reminding him to fix what she had asked him to fix. He felt she was nagging him about it and she felt that he was just taking his time about getting it done.

Now, if the lines of communication were actually opened between the two, he would have said to her something like, “Honey, I want to fix that for you and I am actually excited about using this glue to fix it. However, it will take about three weeks for me to get it, but as soon as it arrives I will fix this.”

Now, the wife may not necessarily want to wait the three weeks, but she most likely would have because she would’ve been clear on when the issue would be resolved and that’s all that mattered to her. She just wanted it done; she didn’t care how he did it, “just get it done.” Had she known when he would fix it and why, there would have been no need to keep reminding him. Had he told her what he was waiting on to fix it, he would not have been subjected to her “nagging,” at least not on that issue anyway.

On the flip side, the wife could have asked something like, “Honey, why is it taking so long to fix this?” That would have opened the door for him to say what the situation was. So the lack of understanding between the two is because the sender didn’t send the message clearly, and the receiver who was waiting on the message didn’t stop and say, “Hey what’s going on?”

Communication is a two way exchange and must be void of assumptions and presumptions because often both are incorrect. As I explained to the gentleman, generally speaking, when women raise the same issue all the time or complain about the same thing over and over again, men consider this to be nagging. Yet for women, what men view as nagging, is often either intended as reminders, pleas to accomplish task, requests to keep their word, or indication that additional information is required.

In the absence of communication several factors cause interference in the relationship, and the only way to remove that interference is to take the time to convey information back and forth until there is mutual understanding. Many couples lack the patience to communicate thoroughly as such. However, successful ones make it a point to communicate in this manner and consistently look for ways to keep the lines of communication open in their relationship.

Ways to Open the Lines of Communication

• Remove walls and barriers between the two of you.

• Discuss things as they come up, don’t let them pile up.

• Remember that your spouse or partner is not your adversary or someone you have to win against. Create a win-win. It’s important that both come out on top together.

• Use non-threatening forms of communication. Avoid being defensive and judgmental.

• Be compassionate and understanding. Learn what makes your mate tick.

• Be open and honest. Be trusting and trustworthy with one another. Be vulnerable to each other and protective of each other.

• Seek to understand your mate over being understood, then structure your message in a manner in which they will understand it.

• Don’t blame your partner when there is a breakdown. Look at how you can improve your message.

• Make time to relate. Do not let others run interference with that time including social media, children, family members, work, church, or friends.

• Widen your sphere of understanding. Create safe spaces and common grounds.

• Practice talking daily about non-threatening matters to improve communication and build bridges between each other.

• Listen to your mate through your heart.

“StraightForward Talk with ATIYA” to Debut July 14th on the Keys 107 Network | PRLog

“StraightForward Talk with ATIYA” to Debut July 14th on the Keys 107 Network | PRLog.

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