Real Talk About Relationships and Married Life

Posts tagged ‘roundtable’


Being a Hero Instead of a Zero in Your Relationship

Every human being has amazing value and potential. However, simply having potential is not enough when it comes to love and marriage. It takes hard work to be in a thriving relationship where both people benefit and grow. It takes a whole lot more than, “I love you.”

When it comes to the substantive part of working that twosome thing, it really is, “What’s love got to do with it?” Sure love is the fundamental, absolutely necessary, and key ingredient in any viable and lasting union. It’s the “essential flavor” of it. But like any baker will tell you, it takes much more than flour to make a cake; and it certainly takes much more than that for it to taste good.

What we do with our potential makes a world of difference in how well we fair in life.

If you are not willing to turn that potential into some kinetic energy and bring some real substance to the table, then your relationship will suffer as a result of it. When you’re engaged in a partnership with someone else, your choices impacts that person. Whether those choices were made during the course of your current relationship or in the past, they can “potentially” impact your present, particularly if you have not addressed the matter.

We all make mistakes, but we must be willing to correct the mistakes and not make excuses for them. We must learn from our blunders and not keep repeating the same ones over and over again. Being “grown” doesn’t make you qualified to be in an intimate relationship with someone. It takes a certain level of maturity and willingness to take joint responsibility with your mate to create circumstances in your relationship to help it grow and the two of you thrive. Repeating cycles of bad choices and decisions is not acting responsibly or even being smart. As a matter of fact, it sets both parties back.

Healthy relationships don’t set you back, they help you to flourish. Now I’m not saying that you won’t or shouldn’t have issues or face challenges in a relationship. Life happens. What I am saying is that people in healthy relationships regardless of their struggles, struggle together each making considerable contributions to help their situation become better. The burden does not just fall on one person. They share the burden, making it lighter for both. It takes teamwork.

Everyone has value. However, everyone does not bring value to a relationship. How are you relating with your mate? Ask yourself the following questions to determine if you are being a “Hero or Zero” in your relationship.

10 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If You’re Being a “Hero or Zero”

  1. What do I offer in my relationship that helps my significant other to grow and evolve in their life?
  2. How do I complement my mate and his/her gifts, talents, and abilities?
  3. How is my mate growing as a result of my relationship with him/her?
  4. Are my partner’s circumstances improving as a result of my relationship with him/her?
  5. What is my significant other gaining from being with me?
  6. How do I contribute to my partner’s success?
  7. Do my actions promote the health and well-being of my partner and our relationship?
  8. Am I doing what is necessary to help my partner and our relationship thrive?
  9. Am I being resourceful or helpful in contributing to the financial health of our relationship?
  10. Do I have a vision and a plan for my life, and am I actively working my plan to improve my condition, my mate’s condition, and the condition of our relationship?

After you have taken a good hard look at yourself, look at your situation honestly and without the rose-colored glasses, and ask the next important question “Is my significant other being a Hero or Zero in our relationship?” After you have evaluated that, ask yourself one last question, “What am I going to do about it?”


Synergizing Your Relationship

Companionship is one of the beauties and blessing of life, particularly when that companionship involves romantic love and intimacy. A relationship between a man and a woman is designed to enhance both people. However, what most fear and what often happens is one of the parties in the relationship loses themselves in the process and sometimes start to feel hopeless. But it does not have to be that way.

A synergistic relationship is one where two or more people are able to effectively work together to produce an outcome that neither would be able to obtain independently. The marriage relationship is an interdependent one and both husband and wife depend on one another and above all they both depend on the Creator to make things happen in their lives and the lives of their family.

When a couple is deciding to get married, they must be willing to work together on all levels for the very relationship depends on their ability to effectively and cooperatively work together. Disagreements and differences of opinion are normal ordinary occurrences and they do come up. However, what makes a relationship extraordinary is when the two can synergize and become bona-fide partners in life. Synergy is a collaborative approach which facilitates mutual respect and helps in overcoming those times when you may not see eye-to-eye.

We all have gifts and talents. No one person in a relationship has the right to advance their agenda over their mate’s and visa versa. In order for a relationship to thrive, there must be a new agenda established which includes the gifts, talents and creative expression of both parties. What often disturbs the harmonic flow of the relationship causing feelings of not being fulfilled is when one party is left out and their passion or dreams are deemed as less important or insignificant.

It is a wonderful and amazing feeling to be able to work well with your mate. On the contrary, it is very devastating to be with someone who does not support you or believe in you and what you bring to the table. This is why, before marriage you must assess the gifts, talents and life mission of your potential partner and how well that matches your gifts, talents and life mission. You do have a life mission right? SMILE.

Open and honest communication is very important in any relationship. It is even more critical in the marriage dynamic. There should be no walls, division, or secrets. This is how trust is built into the relationship and this is how it is maintained. So the old adage, “What it took to get him/her, is what it takes to keep him/her,” rings true.

There are many ways to get the dialogue juices flowing. Here are some tips to get you thinking synergistically. SMILE.

The TOP TEN TIPS to Synergize Your Relationship

1). Outline and discuss your gifts, talents and passions with your potential mate.

2). Be open and honest about what is important to you and what really matters.

3). Discuss with your potential mate what is important to him/her.

4). Talk about ways the two of you can work together and how you can synergize what you do.

5). Discuss workable solutions and agree on ways to overcome areas of disagreement or differences of opinion before the marriage, and stick to the plan in marriage.

6). Make a list of businesses and opportunities that can be created working together using both your and your partner’s gifts, talents, and passions.

7). Work on projects together before marriage to get an idea of how well you work together.

8). Promote each other’s talents. Service to one another increases love for one another.

9). Observe the strengths of your potential partner and see how they cover your weaknesses.

10. As soon as the two of you know you want to get married, take the time to construct a life mission plan together which encompasses both of your dreams and life purposes.

Marriage has its challenges, but together and with The One’s help, you can conquer them all.

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