Real Talk About Relationships and Married Life

Posts tagged ‘Psychological trauma’

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Getting Into the Rhythm of Things

Balance between husband and wife

I believe everyone suffers from a bit of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, although at varying degrees; which depends on what they have gone through in life. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is a mental health condition that is triggered by a terrifying event. It can develop when a person goes through, sees or hears about something that causes intense fear, helplessness, and horror. The impact can be very devastating and cause one to have flashbacks of the events, isolate themselves from social circles that present perceived threats of that event reoccurring again, and more.

Healthy relationships in general help people to heal from the issues of their past. However for this column I will specifically discuss marriage. Healthy marriages help people to heal from various issues. The reason is because this whole process is really about balance; and a healthy marriage is one that is in alignment. When a couple is aligned it encourages and supports continuous balance.

When two people get married, each person comes to the table with a set of weaknesses and a set of strengths. These can also be viewed as a set of fears and the capacity to give loving energy as to offset or help the other overcome their fears.

Fear causes a person to react to situations and circumstances in somewhat of a panicked state, no matter how well they mask it. Their fears are almost usually connected to childhood trauma. Some fears also come about as a result of trauma that happens throughout life. Therapy helps a person to mentally work through and process what has happened and helps them to confront, accept, and cope with the situation as a part of their past. It is a mental health process that is most effective when it takes place immediately after a traumatic event. This may explain why many therapists are moving toward life coaching as a means of helping, because the truth is the impact of childhood traumas are not really fully realized until one has reached adulthood.

Life coaching helps a person to build their emotional intelligence skills to help them move forward. This process is not an easy one and requires one to take one or a few steps at a time. Healing does not happen overnight, and memories from traumatic events may never completely disappear. However, having a healthy circle of friendship and being surrounded by people who understand your fears and are able to provide the necessary support system to help you get through tough times is essential.

Marriage is wonderful because it allows both husband and wife the opportunity to confront their fears, while learning to be supportive of each other and allowing one another the opportunity to not only empty but to fill as well through consistent loving, compassionate, and patient communication. The process is not all listening or all talking. It is a healthy balance of both and at times just active sharing through silence.

For example going to the beach together – one may choose to rest on the cot while the other chooses to swim or play in the water. They both may choose to take a walk together. The beach scenario is an example, where there’s no need for a lot of words to be exchanged. This is a moment that allows the couple to be together and have the necessary space to heal and restore.

A husband and wife strengthen one another where they are weak. You complement or offset a weakened spirit through love, compassion, and patience and by learning to give the other what is needed. To do that, is to understand their fears. Just like it is necessary to take baby steps to overcome fears, it is equally necessary for the one compensating to take baby steps as well. This helps the weakened spirit become strong without draining the energy of the one that is strong.

The question is not about being a spirit breaker or a spirit maker as much as it is about learning to give and receive in proper proportion to allow a soul to be restored.

The idea of marriage is for a husband and wife to help maintain the greatness in each other’s character and to cover one another’s weaknesses. A healthy marriage is one where husband and wife are friends of one another and have a healthy circle of friends to help support their marriage.

People can reclaim their power by helping others. Marriage provides a daily opportunity to do this, taking one step at a time.

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