No matter how peachy marriage may be sometimes, it definitely “ain’t no bed of roses.” Well, I take that back, maybe it is because even roses have thorns. Marriage is a beautiful experience. However regardless as to how beautiful it may be and the desired way of life for many people, who have been courageous enough to take that plunge, once, twice, or maybe even three times, it takes real work and it’s not the place to think you can perpetrate a fraud and get away with it. Marriage exposes the truth about two people and no matter how dressed up you get at the ceremony prior to living in holy matrimony, after the “I do’s” you will definitely know if it is the real deal or some very well dressed-up Sugar, Honey, Ice, Tea!
Men spend a lot of time wining and dining a woman trying to win her affections and even her hand. In their quest to conquer, some make all of these promises that they know they cannot keep, and instead of gracefully stepping aside for a man who is prepared to do what a man is supposed to do, they allow their ego to color their already colored intentions, and continue letting the woman believe that they are someone and something that in truth they really are not.
So if you are a man who is fortunate enough to have a wife, but refuse to do right by her, let me say this to you. My mother often said, “Don’t let your mouth write checks that your azz can’t cash!” When a woman has had enough, she has had enough; and no matter how much she loves you or how painful it may be, she will walk away from her marriage if you refuse to get your act together. She may even tell you with tears streaming down her face, “I can do bad all by myself.” However, in truth most women in unhealthy relationships know deep down that they can do better, maybe not by themselves, but certainly without a man who refuses to man-up.
So, why do women leave their husbands? Here are five reasons.
There are many levels to infidelity. However no matter what level you have attained to, it all includes lying, cheating, stealing, and killing. Let me break it down for you like this.
Lying – You lie to keep her from knowing that you are laying up with someone else or engaging in inappropriate conversations that have gone way past the boundaries of fair-play. A woman usually knows anyway so she will become suspicious. See wives have these intuitive insights that even if you think inappropriately about another woman her antennas perk up. So you lie to cover up your shady behavior, your ill intentions, or your wishful thinking.
Cheating – You cheat when you lie because you manipulate your wife into to taking a certain position that she would not otherwise take which gives you an unfair advantage and places her at disadvantage. That is cheating. So before any physical act takes place, your intentions are all wrong and your actions are deceitful.
Stealing – When you are having an affair, you steal your wife’s trust, her faith in you, her confidence, and her good heart. You are presenting a condition that is not true and continue to receive benefits from your “happy home,” that you do not deserve. It is stealing because you know that you would not continue to have it like that if your wife knew the truth. So you become a thief to get what you want and all under false pretenses. That’s dishonorable.
Killing – A man who cheats becomes a killer. He kills the spirit of love in the relationship. He kills the marriage and what it stands for. He kills the unity and the harmony. He slowly kills his wife’s love for him.
2. Abuse and/or Neglect
There is a law – the law of non-use, misuse, and abuse. The premise of this law is if you don’t use it or misuse it, you lose it. If a man told a woman before marriage that he will go upside her head, call her horrible names, emotionally abuse and misuse her, withhold love, protection and provision, do you think she would marry him? So why do you think she will stay with you if you do these things in marriage? There’s a saying, what it took to get her, it takes to keep her.
3. Don’t Listen
Women have the fundamental need to be listened to because they equate listening to value and worth. When a man listens to his wife, he is communicating to her that he values her and finds her to be worthy of his time and attention. If a man gets into the habit of not listening to his wife, eventually someone else squirms their way into the picture and becomes a great listener. Need I say more? Husbands, when your wife wants you to listen, she does not necessarily need you to “fix it.” She feels closer to you and feels your love for her when you listen to her. Also, learn to listen to her with your heart.
4. Relationship Stagnation
Women will leave a relationship sometimes because the relationship is not going anywhere. It becomes a cycle of the same thing over and over again and not necessarily for the better, so she becomes unfulfilled. Before, she believed that things will change, and then she began to hope that things will change. After that, she starts wondering if things will ever change, until finally she starts to fear that things will never change. At that point, “Wilson, you’ve got a problem.” When a woman gets to the point of fearing things won’t change, she begins to explore other options. At that point, if something doesn’t give real soon, she will serve you your walking papers.
If there are things in the relationship that needs addressing, address them. You can only stonewall for so long or sweep things under the carpet for so long. Pretty soon, the big lump in the middle of the floor begins to trip everybody up.
Some women leave a good man out of sheer stupidity and foolishness. Many often regret it later when they realize that what they had is much better than what is out there. Nonetheless, they still leave. Depending on how painful the experience was for you, you might let her back into your life. However, there is usually always another woman just standing in the rear watching and waiting for her to mess up anyway. Often she’s called friend – sometimes his, sometimes hers. Go figure. So, “Stupid is as stupid does.”
I am an advocate for healthy relationships and marriages. Just because a relationship is sick does not mean that it cannot be nursed to health or back to health. Just like people heal from sicknesses both minor and major, marriages can come back from incredible odds. However, in some cases no matter how much nourishment you give it at the last minute or when it is in a terminal state, the marriage will inevitably die. In this case, the best thing you can do is make things comfortable until the end.
So men, my encouragement to you whether you are married or not, check your intentions, come correct, don’t perpetrate a fraud, remember she’s a queen, and man-up.