Real Talk About Relationships and Married Life

Archive for June, 2013

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The Key to Happiness and Success

secret-to-happiness This is a message to all of you, and each of you know exactly who you are. So listen. Allow not your own prejudices to blind you by the messenger, hear the message. It will change your life.

Block everyone out and everything out for this moment. I ask you each individually the questions:

What is your Dream?

What is that ONE thing that you have a burning passion inside your soul to do or be?

Some of you really don’t have a clue because some things have happened to you along the way to cause you to forget. But today is THE TIME to REMEMBER.

The way to discover that is to take your mind and heart back to the beginning, back to when you were a child as far back as you can remember. When you were happy and before anything “bad” happened to you. Close your eyes take some slow deep and steady breaths in and out through your nose and remember.

Yes, there were many things you wanted to do; but what was the ONE thing that you knew you absolutely wanted to be or do? When you remember that, you have just remembered the most important thing in your life – WHO you really are.

From the beginning you were given the seed of life in your heart and the desire, will and inclination toward a single undivided path or course. This point of inclination is your true source of fulfillment, happiness, and contentment. It is your real aim and purpose for life. Once you discover or REMEMBER your original assignment you will find the greatest reward, and your deepest and most poignant prayers will be answered when you follow the course of that particular path and live by the principles thereof. To do so, you will finally have found the depth of what you have been looking for and what remains is only to walk therein that light.

The first lesson in life one must learn is who they are and in the knowledge of that reality to have courage to walk in that truth believing whole heartedly and staying true to who you are. You must be able to REMEMBER and behold in your imagination that dream and recognize the force and power of it to take your seat among the masters of that particular abode. There is a saying that the “cream always rises to the top.” Some of you say it and do not truly understand what it means. The cream is the most excellent element or part. Going a little deeper, the cream is the anointed. Being anointed is about consecration and to consecrate is to be devoted.

Many of you believe that it is someone outside of yourself that first anoints you. However the reality is before any support can come, you must first devote yourself to the real cause and remain true to the very principle of that ONE cause – Who you really are.

Consequently what is being said here is follow your dreams, let no one take it away from you, and be true to who you are. Spin the ball of your world or lean your being toward your life assignment and be undivided in your devotion to it. In order to truly become successful and achieve your dream, you must be completely devoted to the mastery of that particular trade. It is not to your advantage to be a “jack of all trades and a master of none.” For your mastery of your purpose in life is where your true success lies. Your devotion to your dream will not only help you to achieve it but it will also make you the “cream of the crop.” And again, the cream always rises to the top. No doubt about it.

Those who are truly successful, happy, fulfilled and content in life are the ones who have taken the stand to be steadfast to follow their dreams and no matter what the terrain as they travel to reach their destination staying the course not giving way to false promises, overtures of grandeur, or seemingly more attractive opportunities. REMEMBER who you are and stay true to WHO YOU ARE.

There have been people who have implanted doubt in your mind that has caused you to struggle in a way never imaginable. And through this grafting process, corruption or otherwise shift in your real purpose or occupation, you should have been able to develop a keener sense of sight and strength to help you in your authentic reality should you be courageous enough to stand on that truth no matter who says what about it and no matter what friends you lose in the process. In truth you are not really losing friends but clearing the way to unite with your real friends and family and finally come home like the prodigal son who finally returns after spending countless years wasting the very gift and inheritance he was given.

Once you REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, you will never again be fooled or no one will be able to place doubt in your mind or offer you seemingly better opportunities that causes you to change your course or direction. Nowadays or rather during the day(light) of your understanding, no “stranger” will be able to deceive or trick you into doing other than what you were truly born to do. And no matter the creative process or “angle” you take as you spin that ball, the fact is the ball is still spinning in the purposed path, and as it is spinning is beholding and believing in the dream and never letting hold of that powerful force to help you attain your true happiness.

So the story about the TRADER who made an interpretation that they receive G O L D for their labor – more than they were earning in their own country, is the story about you allowing others to deceive you into giving up the ONE thing that you are passionate about and to trade that path for one that you thought would or could be more profitable than your own true passion; not realizing that profitability is not simply a matter of money but about increase. And your gift or authentic dream is your ticket to increase.

And the fundamental principle here is this: “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full–pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” The devotion to your dream, your purpose will allow you the greatest of rewards on all levels when you stay the course. Through your gift is your overflow and make no mistake about it your gift is wrapped up in your original dream before doubt entered the picture or before that grafting took place.

Because of doubt you became other than who you really are to become someone else in order to “earn a living,” make money, or earn favor because of your own faulty understanding that you must do that in order to be happy, successful, fulfilled and contented. However, the greatest title to have is your own real name, meaning the real you and your real name encompasses the essential quality of who you are – YOUR DREAM IS YOUR TRUTH IS YOUR FORTUNE IS YOU. Your vision is your creative energy or the angle you spin on your Dream. While your vision may take shape over time, and come alive in a variety of ways as your sight becomes clearer, your dream is what it is and at the end of the day usually remains the same. That is what you must REMEMBER. So take hold of your dream and visualize a plan to set in motion in your pursuit of happiness  – Otherwise in your pursuit of YOUR DREAM.

So when you REMEMBER you realize that after spending years of being other than yourself, you come to understand that no matter what you amass in terms of material wealth, friends, or favor, deep down there still exists a void because the very thing you gave up was the ONE gift that was given to you to provide you with what you wanted all along. And when you REMEMBER it will take courage to NOW walk in that light and according to that path.

No one can answer that question for you. It will take you to REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, and then once you start being who you authentically are and living that dream, you will find the success you have been ultimately looking for, and learn to walk in the truth of that light for all to SEE.

When you REMEMBER, WHO YOU ARE, you learn to discern between the opportunities that are ones for you to take and those you leave behind because they will take you away from your true purpose. However part of the discernment process deals with intentions. Thus, your intentions must be aligned with the real you and your authentic purpose. If what you do is for “the money” and is not aligned with your dream, there will inevitably be that void.

Many people can offer you many things, but is what they are offering worth you sacrificing the whole person of your being and the very passion that makes your heart beat? This is only something you can answer.

So, the message to you is to:

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE and BE WHO YOU ARE in truth.

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Let it Flow: The Secret to a Healthy Marriage

peas in a podThe unspeakable energy a couple projects into the process of married life can bring about tremendous reward or overwhelming stress. It all depends on a couple’s “flow.”

A married couples “flow” and how well they work as a team is a crucial aspect of marital success and the life of the marriage itself. To flow is to circulate or move in a circle, starting and ending up at the same point. In order for our bodies to be healthy, we must have good circulation. In other words, the blood must flow appropriately through the veins and arteries to and from the heart. Circulation of blood depends on the pumping of the heart. For an average adult, it takes about a minute for blood to make a complete circuit throughout the body. However during intense exercise it can take as little as 20 seconds. Just as exercise is important for optimum health, one important principle couples can learn from how blood flows is the importance of making use of the marriage team in order to achieve the greatest rewards that marriage brings and in the shortest amount of time.

Take a look at the heart, the lungs, blood, and veins. The heart’s role is to pump oxygen-rich blood to all living cells within the body. The blood is the life-maintaining fluid that circulates through the body. The lungs take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide. The veins circulate deoxygenated blood from other parts of the body back to the heart. Deoxygenated blood is blood which is rich in carbon dioxide because it has already released its oxygen. When you take the principles from the flow of blood and apply it to your marriage, couples can gain a better understanding of the importance of working or “flowing” together. Let’s put it in perspective.

The Heart represents The Marriage

The Blood represents The Love of God

Oxygen represents The Love between the couple

The Lungs represents The Couple

The Veins represents External Connections (friends, family, colleagues, etc.)

The role of marriage is to increase awareness and strengthen the practical understanding of God’s love for creation through a couple’s demonstration of their love for one another. Ultimately it is The One’s (God’s) love for us, our recognition of The One’s (God’s) love for us and our willingness to allow the love of God to guide us on how to demonstrate love for one another as married couples. Yet, it is up to the couple to breathe love to one another and their marriage and expel anything that would cause a breakdown or deterioration of the marriage relationship. Likewise, their external relationships must also be indicative and demonstrative of the Love of God and their love for one another in order to extract the greatest benefits and rewards that marriage offers.

For healthy marriages, working together is a critical process to the life of the marriage; just as proper blood flow is to the body. When a couple does not work cooperatively, it is like one lung fighting the other, when both lungs are needed to do their part for the greatest benefit of the body. Sure a relationship can continue on even when only one is committed. However, just like a body with one lung, that one lung will become overworked and eventually give out.

External influences that couples sometimes allow into their marriage can restrict proper circulation and threaten the marriage. Those influences can consist of people, places and/or things. Like a tourniquet, these external factors can possibly be used to help a couple see things more clearly and allow them the opportunity to make necessary adjustments in their relationship. However, if an occlusion happens over too long of a period it can cause the life of the marriage itself. Therefore couples must protect their marriage. And as Benjamin Franklin was documented to say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

The point here is that it is much better to avoid problems in the “get go” as opposed to trying to fix them once they arise. Husbands and wives who learn to work together as a team will undoubtedly ensure the victory!

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Atiya Talks Back, Episode 3

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Port Louis Marina and BB’s Crabback

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Why It’s Important to Make “Your Girl” Happy

How to Please a Woman Book Cover course photoA common theme or consensus among some men is that women are hard to please, they are never happy no matter what you do, and they just don’t know what they want. While that may be the truth in some camps, it is not necessarily an accurate statement from an overall perspective. Take it from a woman; a man has the power to make any woman happy just by hitting the mark on a few simple things. By doing those things consistently, you would have discovered the secret to putting a perma-grin on your “girl’s” face and whenever she walks into a room it would be like the sun coming out on a rainy day.

Keeping her happy has very little to do with how well you perform in the bedroom, but everything do with how well you are able to make love to her mind. A woman will pull out all stops to satisfy her man when he meets her fundamental needs as a woman. Remember she is a multiplier of what you give, thus if you want a return on your investment, you must utilize your capital wisely in order to gain profitable returns. Otherwise you lose and your relationship becomes bankrupt.

There’s a saying, “A happy woman makes a happy home.” You can have heaven or hell at home and it pretty much depends on the state of mind of the queen of the castle. Yet, the truth is, anytime you have more than one female in an environment, every one of them know intuitively that they are a queen, and thus vie for their rightful place. Women have the power to change an entire atmosphere of a place and if just one in the environment is unhappy everybody can feel it and if you do not understand how this thing works or use wisdom to balance out the estrogen, then your paradise can become your purgatory.

Let me remind you, “Heaven has no rage like love turned to hatred, nor Hell a fury, like a scorned woman.” Scorned means rejected and when a woman feels rejected the pain she feels if not managed can cause disdain and contempt to ensue toward he who she feels has rejected her. To not seek to make her happy yet expect her to make you happy is inciting hell’s fury in your home and your life. To refuse to do the simple things necessary to contribute to your partner’s happiness is perceived as refusing her…a rejection of her. At that point husband, you bring on hell’s wrath in your home.

 

You may be one of those men who take the position that it is not your personal responsibility to make “your woman” happy; and you would be well within your right to say that because a person’s individual happiness is a personal choice. No one can really “make” another person happy. You have to be willing to choose happiness for yourself. However, wisdom teaches that it would be to your advantage as a man and husband to work to please your wife because of the multitude of benefits a happy woman brings to “her man,” his stomach, and his mind. Her home and interpersonal relationships will also reflect her state of being.

You might think that it is not a matter of importance to do what is within your power to do to make your significant other happy, but if you don’t someone else will. The five simple things that women need to be fulfilled in an intimate relationship is the very thing that is usually lacking which causes you as a man not to get what you need and want.

If you want the food, sex, and peace of mind on a regular basis then come on with the come on. Yes, there are many “other” places you might be able to get what you need and want, but nothing beats good home-cooking. I guarantee you, any woman’s door you go knocking on to get what you need, will still require you to first give her what she needs – those five simple things. So in the quest for instant gratification which very well may be there for you at a cost, you’ll find that it will require you to provide long-term satisfaction. Are you sure it’s a price you are willing and able to pay?

When you take care of home, you will find that everything you want and need is right there and not even for the asking. She is wired to please her man, when he punches in the right codes.

Making Your “Girl” Happy Gives You:

1. A better sex life

2. Good ole’ fashioned home-cooked meals

3. Sweet conversations

4. Peace of mind

5. Finger-lickin’ good with a smile

Making Your “Girl” Happy Eliminates:

1. Nagging and complaining

2. Tears

3. Drama

4. Headaches

5. Unruly and bad-#@! children

Now, I told you the why, if you want to know the how, I invite you to register for the next session of “How to Please a Woman Empowerment Course for Men.” For more information, visit us online at www.themarriagetree.net. Registration is now open for the session starting in July.

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Communicating to Close the Cultural Divide

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Why Some Women Leave Their Husbands

suitcase ladyNo matter how peachy marriage may be sometimes, it definitely “ain’t no bed of roses.” Well, I take that back, maybe it is because even roses have thorns. Marriage is a beautiful experience. However regardless as to how beautiful it may be and the desired way of life for many people, who have been courageous enough to take that plunge, once, twice, or maybe even three times, it takes real work and it’s not the place to think you can perpetrate a fraud and get away with it. Marriage exposes the truth about two people and no matter how dressed up you get at the ceremony prior to living in holy matrimony, after the “I do’s” you will definitely know if it is the real deal or some very well dressed-up Sugar, Honey, Ice, Tea!

Men spend a lot of time wining and dining a woman trying to win her affections and even her hand. In their quest to conquer, some make all of these promises that they know they cannot keep, and instead of gracefully stepping aside for a man who is prepared to do what a man is supposed to do, they allow their ego to color their already colored intentions, and continue letting the woman believe that they are someone and something that in truth they really are not.

So if you are a man who is fortunate enough to have a wife, but refuse to do right by her, let me say this to you. My mother often said, “Don’t let your mouth write checks that your azz can’t cash!” When a woman has had enough, she has had enough; and no matter how much she loves you or how painful it may be, she will walk away from her marriage if you refuse to get your act together. She may even tell you with tears streaming down her face, “I can do bad all by myself.” However, in truth most women in unhealthy relationships know deep down that they can do better, maybe not by themselves, but certainly without a man who refuses to man-up.

So, why do women leave their husbands? Here are five reasons.

1. Infidelity

There are many levels to infidelity. However no matter what level you have attained to, it all includes lying, cheating, stealing, and killing. Let me break it down for you like this.

Lying – You lie to keep her from knowing that you are laying up with someone else or engaging in inappropriate conversations that have gone way past the boundaries of fair-play. A woman usually knows anyway so she will become suspicious. See wives have these intuitive insights that even if you think inappropriately about another woman her antennas perk up. So you lie to cover up your shady behavior, your ill intentions, or your wishful thinking.

Cheating – You cheat when you lie because you manipulate your wife into to taking a certain position that she would not otherwise take which gives you an unfair advantage and places her at disadvantage. That is cheating. So before any physical act takes place, your intentions are all wrong and your actions are deceitful.

Stealing – When you are having an affair, you steal your wife’s trust, her faith in you, her confidence, and her good heart. You are presenting a condition that is not true and continue to receive benefits from your “happy home,” that you do not deserve. It is stealing because you know that you would not continue to have it like that if your wife knew the truth. So you become a thief to get what you want and all under false pretenses. That’s dishonorable.

Killing – A man who cheats becomes a killer. He kills the spirit of love in the relationship. He kills the marriage and what it stands for. He kills the unity and the harmony. He slowly kills his wife’s love for him.

2. Abuse and/or Neglect

There is a law – the law of non-use, misuse, and abuse. The premise of this law is if you don’t use it or misuse it, you lose it. If a man told a woman before marriage that he will go upside her head, call her horrible names, emotionally abuse and misuse her, withhold love, protection and provision, do you think she would marry him? So why do you think she will stay with you if you do these things in marriage? There’s a saying, what it took to get her, it takes to keep her.

3. Don’t Listen

Women have the fundamental need to be listened to because they equate listening to value and worth. When a man listens to his wife, he is communicating to her that he values her and finds her to be worthy of his time and attention. If a man gets into the habit of not listening to his wife, eventually someone else squirms their way into the picture and becomes a great listener. Need I say more? Husbands, when your wife wants you to listen, she does not necessarily need you to “fix it.” She feels closer to you and feels your love for her when you listen to her. Also, learn to listen to her with your heart.

4. Relationship Stagnation

Women will leave a relationship sometimes because the relationship is not going anywhere. It becomes a cycle of the same thing over and over again and not necessarily for the better, so she becomes unfulfilled. Before, she believed that things will change, and then she began to hope that things will change. After that, she starts wondering if things will ever change, until finally she starts to fear that things will never change. At that point, “Wilson, you’ve got a problem.” When a woman gets to the point of fearing things won’t change, she begins to explore other options. At that point, if something doesn’t give real soon, she will serve you your walking papers.

If there are things in the relationship that needs addressing, address them. You can only stonewall for so long or sweep things under the carpet for so long. Pretty soon, the big lump in the middle of the floor begins to trip everybody up.

5. Stupidity

Some women leave a good man out of sheer stupidity and foolishness. Many often regret it later when they realize that what they had is much better than what is out there. Nonetheless, they still leave. Depending on how painful the experience was for you, you might let her back into your life. However, there is usually always another woman just standing in the rear watching and waiting for her to mess up anyway. Often she’s called friend – sometimes his, sometimes hers. Go figure. So, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

I am an advocate for healthy relationships and marriages. Just because a relationship is sick does not mean that it cannot be nursed to health or back to health. Just like people heal from sicknesses both minor and major, marriages can come back from incredible odds. However, in some cases no matter how much nourishment you give it at the last minute or when it is in a terminal state, the marriage will inevitably die. In this case, the best thing you can do is make things comfortable until the end.

So men, my encouragement to you whether you are married or not, check your intentions, come correct, don’t perpetrate a fraud, remember she’s a queen, and man-up.

Video

Developing a Marriage Mindset

In this episode of StraightForward Talk with Atiya, she discusses the mindset needed for a healthy marriage relationship.

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